So, as we all know, the media like ‘perfect’. They like stunning, skinny and glamorous models to represent their companies, products and magazines. Some examples of which, are this skin and bones model underneath, and the other girl with the flawless complexion, symmetrical face and ideally coloured eyes and hair. Oh, and the purple lips. They’re natural… Obviously… Yeah right.

As we should also know, real people, with real lives, real problems, look a lot different. Maybe more like this? 

Yeah well, that’s me! Braces, brown hair, glasses and squinting. That’s not the perfection of a modelling company is it huh? I can’t imagine them using this for a weight loss guide or a teeth whitening advert, can you?

There is a real and dangerous perception that to be beautiful, you must look like the models above, and looking more like me, is something to be ashamed of and must be changed. Why have braces and pain when you can skip it with veneers? Why live healthily and exercise regularly, or even just live happily eating what you want without guilt, when you can have a tummy tuck or a gastric band to make you ‘beautiful’?

Beauty these days is perceived to be this shallow physical appearance. You have to be that perfect weight, with those chalk white teeth, long spider eyelashes and great hair to be accepted. And in real life, that’s not possible. I mean, you see girls all the time trying to achieve it, with their 7 layers of foundation for that flawless complexion, maybe 10 layers of mascara for those long lashes and all the whitening treatments to get those sparkling chompers. And don’t forget the very real danger that lies in eating disorders of anorexia and bulimia and others just to ensure you get that perfect weight too. 

Maybe people don’t read or don’t believe the teeny tiny disclaimers at the bottom of the perfect images that say that the images are fake, they’ve been completely edited in production on Photoshop or that the model isn’t even wearing the product they’re trying to sell, without extra tools like fake eyelashes or face fillers. 

And yes, there are those ridiculously naturally pretty people like Rachel McAdams or Kate Middleton, I’m not saying there aren’t. And you know what, you might feel so jealous of people like them! I’m telling you, the best and worst of us have, including me, but at the same time, what makes people beautiful is not their appearance, it’s the character behind it. 

There are several definitions of beauty, the one I think is most accurate is:

“The quality that gives delight to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or colour, excellence of artistry, truthfulness and originality.”

Yes, this definition still says about form or colour, but it also talks of art, truth and originality! And the truth is, every single person is original, even identical twins or triplets have original features to them! My own twin brothers have slightly different voices and face shapes. By definition, that makes every single person beautiful in their own way. 

This might not be good enough for some people, and for a long time, it most certainly wasn’t good enough for me, but it came down to a decision: Do I want to live the rest of my life trying to live up to a false perception of beautiful, feeling, unhappy, negative and jealous? Or accept that I’m different in weight, height, appearance and nature, and believe the truth that I’m beautiful anyway? 

And I’m still not quite there, but I really hope to be. No doubt I’ll always have those, I’ve eaten too much cookie dough ice cream and I feel fat days, or those I’ve got a spot and I feel ugly days, but it’s a lifestyle to believe in who I am.

And what you hate about yourself, might be the very thing that someone else admires. I know that God made me fearfully and wonderfully, on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose, and my purpose is not to spend each day putting myself down, hating myself and being negative. It’s a far more lovely trait to be enthusiastic, positive, and quietly confident don’t you think?

I feel deeply angry and saddened that the perception of beautiful is so twisted and distorted, and I feel especially angry and sad that this has caused so many beautiful girls to sink into depression and eating disorders that can ruin their lives, but by conforming to it, we strengthen the perception, and there’s no way I’m being part of that. I have a huge complaint about this lie that’s being sown into hearts and minds of people these days. The shallow lie in this perception that’s embedded into people’s lives.

There is so much more than this people. You’ve just got believe it. You’re beautiful. Trust me on that please.

Have a great day.

You truly are a very beautiful woman and this blog is completely yours (Although it’s posted on tumblr for people to see…).

Forget magazines, television, perceptions and expectations, you are beautiful. You really need to start telling yourself that daily. You may not believe it at first but seriously, your perception of yourself is so opposite to what people see. You are one of those people whose photos on Facebook show up and I go “Wow, doesn’t she look great.” Because you do look great. I know that you’re not big on the Bible but it says in Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” You are fearfully and wonderfully made and this makes you beautiful kiddo! I know this may not convince you, but really, you think so little of yourself when people think so much of you.

I also want to say how proud I am of you. You’ve gone through so much over the last years and yet when I’ve seen you you’ve stayed positive, you’ve made fantastic friendships, worked hard and you are going to do so well with life. I realise we haven’t seen very much of each other recently due to circumstance and school and college and EVERYTHING but seriously. You rock. 

Love your spare fake momma. 

Recently in my Ethics class we were talking about the subject of marriage and what that meant and whether it is both relevant or realistic in today’s society. I found many people in my class to be cynical of marriage whether it be because of their parents not staying together or not needing marriage to stay together or because they think that the focus of marriage today is the party not the lifetime commitment. 

I really wanted to share what I believe marriage to be about and why I wholeheartedly believe that it works and it is something that is very realistic. I believe marriage to be a commitment between a man and a woman recognised by God. I don’t think that the legalities and economic benefits are what makes a marriage sound, but the covenant with God that you enter into when you are married. I really feel like in today’s society people go into marriage without having thought it through, counted the cost and realised what it truly means. Many people go in thinking that if it goes wrong, there’s always divorce. There are even prenuptial agreements for those wishing to protect their assets from the other spouse should anything go wrong! I’m sorry if I seem old fashioned but what the heck is going on?! Why would you EVER enter into marriage planning for it to go wrong? That’s not a ‘just in case’ that’s expecting your marriage to fail before it’s even begun.

I want to get married one day. I’m really looking forward to it. Yes, the wedding will be amazing, but that’s just one day of my entire life. And it’s the start to my marriage, not the highlight of it. It frustrates me that people have church weddings just because the photographs will look better. It frustrates me that people go into marriage without realising properly that it is a lifetime commitment. Maybe that scares some people, but I personally believe it’s a beautiful wonderful thing. No, marriages do not all work out, but I don’t believe that lowers the validity of it at all. I think that some people jump into marriage too quickly with the wrong person, and that, not the thing of marriage itself, is the flaw. 

My parents are divorced. For some people, this encourages a disbelief in the relevance and success of marriage. For me, it’s encouraged me that I am not my parents, I do not have to repeat their lives and I will not repeat the failure of their marriage. It’s made me determined to wait it out until I find the person that God has chosen for me to be with for my entire life. I do not ever want to take marriage for granted, rush into it, or expect it to fail. Some may accuse me of an optimistic outlook on marriage, but honestly I would rather have that than the pessimistic, lack of hope in marriage that exists in many today.

At the end of the day, this is merely my belief, but I see marriage to be a truly wonderful gift from God. Not legal or financial or anything like that. I honestly believe in marriage and I believe it can be successful and last an entire lifetime and it truly saddens me that many see it for the trivial reasons.

Have a great day.

My name is Jess.

My life has been changed by Jesus Christ.

I was brought up in a wonderful family environment with protective parents who love me and care for me, and two of the most annoying yet fantastic brothers a person could have. I had a good start to life. I even moved to the USA for a year, with a lot of amazing people. I couldn’t have asked for better.

Unfortunately, returning from that experience, I found that I wasn’t as happily accepted in my home country. I am very short sighted, I have glasses, and I used to have the most awful bob haircut. Add to this a strong love of books and learning and you get, well, a geek. I was teased and called names and lost so much self esteem. I felt rejected. I started high school with no real group of friends, becoming a library helper to avoid lunchtimes on my own. I’d even eat in the library. I got teased some more, remarks in corridors, looks from people, mocking compliments, and I found myself in a very unpleasant and dark place. I looked to websites dedicated to immorality for some comfort and happiness but I ended up guilty and more alone. I made some friends, but I was wary of them and arguments kept on happening. I ended up reliant on the wrong things and ashamed because of this. I felt awful.

In the summer of 2009, my parents told me they were getting divorced and my world flip flopped. My parents were married around 17 years, and for me, that equated to: They would stay together forever, and the fact that they weren’t going to, was a shock. I cried for about a week, but I found some comfort in the fact that they had told me they would stay friends. This did not happen. Months after, I stopped visiting my dad. I found that the person he was becoming was not one I loved, he disrespected my mum, put me in the most horrible of positions to choose between seeing him and giving my brothers some happiness. I tried to talk to my dad about what I wanted, and he told me I was undermining him. I stepped away from that tie to him.

I got my first boyfriend. No one particularly remarkable, a seemingly nice guy, I’ll be the first to admit, seeing so many of my other friends have boyfriends, made me desperate, caused compromise. Honestly it felt like competition, and if you were single, you were losing, failing, a disappointment. During this time, I found myself at Freedom Church. Picture the most traditional, pew seated, sermon reading, hymn singing church. Well, I assure you, Freedom is the opposite. I had been brought up to know that God existed, I never really had doubts of that, but I never really knew what the whole thing meant, how it affected me, why church was important. The colour and light of this place was like nothing I’d seen before. They had a modern band, a mosh pit, people who spoke supportive words during the preach, a Pastor who told jokes! I was intrigued, and I came back for several months. At the end of each event, during the time where the preacher would say, does anyone want to put up their hand and know God for the first time, I’d get the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, I’d shake, and I’d remain with my hand in my lap. I did this for a few months. I really wrestled with it. What if they asked me about my past? Would they still accept me if they knew about it? Would God want to know someone like me? No one would love me if they knew my history surely? Eventually, I put my hand up. I was prayed for by a fantastic woman named Karin, she didn’t ask me anything, she merely sat with me, prayed for a new start, gave me a hug, and a huge excited grin. I didn’t really understand it all, but I was excited too.

I became a volunteer on the welcome team, this was a huge thing for me, I got more confidence than I thought I’d have and I could talk to people so much more easily. I broke up with my boyfriend because we argued, and I didn’t feel happy with him anymore. A few months later, I got baptised. I still wasn’t sorted, but I was far happier. Less than a month after, I made the mistake of getting another ‘nice’ boyfriend. And you know, to this day, there really was nothing wrong with this guy. Problem was that after a relationships night at my church, I realised he wasn’t the right guy, he was wrong for me. Breaking up with him was hard, but it felt right. Unfortunately, also going on at this point were custody issues with my brothers, and a lot of complications with my parents divorce. Three years later, they are finally divorced.

I was single technically, but my heart was not satisfied, I was still waist deep in sin and to top it all off, I had a heck of a lot of unforgiveness and anger in me. Then She Core started. I found myself challenged on Tuesday nights and eventually confessed a lot of things that were cluttering up my heart to my incredible mentor Jo. She helped me deal with a lot of things and still does, I trust her with every inch of my heart, and I know that she is always there for me, and I am so grateful to her. She is an amazing person. I decided to stop feeling anger and resentment towards my dad and to start moving on.

Recently things have been tough. My dad was actually convicted of theft and sent to prison last week, which has been hard to go through. Before then I met with him and had a Starbucks. We talked calmly and caught up, but there was no real contact after that from him. I feel now that I have done my duty to honour him and now, the door is ajar for him to open. It’s been a challenge knowing that I want justice to be done and do not have any of the feelings a person would usually have for their dad. I’m sad to say, I often forget I have a dad, and rely a heck of a  lot on my mum. That’s been one of the blessings in these situations. I’m thankful that though I’ve lost my father figure, I’ve gained a strong relationship with my mother that I would not have had unless this happened. It strengthens my belief that God is good and works in all situations.

I’m also at a point where my future is needing to be planned out, universities applied for, exams taken. It’s strange because although I have my plan, what I really want to be following is God’s plan. I truly believe He is calling me to do great things, but I don’t exactly know what. I am seeking His guidance on my life and where I need to be. That might not even BE university. But we’ll see. At the end of the day I know God has plans to prosper me not to harm me and I’m giving control over to Him as hard as that is for a control freak like me.

I am not perfect, and I am still not through with all of my issues, but I’m going to get through my baggage and I’m aiming higher. I want to be honouring God, I fall short, I doubt sometimes, and I struggle, but He is good and without the forgiveness that comes from Jesus’ death on the cross, I would be nothing. He has given me value when I had none, told me I am white as snow, that I am daughter of the most high, that I have value greater than rubies and pearls. For that I am beyond grateful. I have seen change in my life. I am happier. I have gone from dressing in black, to wearing bright colours, even red or yellow jeans! I have been bullied and avoided and yelled at for believing in God, and not being quiet about it and hiding it away. I have seen a move of God like nothing I’ve ever seen before with this church. I have seen new churches planted, many come to know God and so many lives changed. Lives that challenge me to refine who I am. I have a new family, new friends and people who actually care about me, I am closer with my mum than ever before, and I am determined to see other people find the freedom I have found. Because living a Christian life is not a religious set of rules and regulations to get to heaven, but a faith driven life dedicated to God, with the best that He has for me somewhere ahead. I want this life. I want God. And I want others to want and love Him too.

Have a great day.

So I realised tonight that I haven’t written anything new in quite some time and decided it’s about time that I did! At the moment, it’s definitely a time of change, of one season becoming another, and not just weather wise!

Tomorrow marks a day where some things will end, and new things can start. I can’t go into huge amounts of detail on everything, but a family situation is going to be decided and resolved, and my AS level exams finish. My momma and dad are finally divorced after 3 long years and this gives my family a fresh start. Specifically this last year has been one heck of a year. I have been through so much change and yet I still want more. More of God and less of me. More of who He is and less of what I want. More honouring my family and less expecting things off them. Building an even better relationship with my momma. I also really want much more self belief and confidence to come in this next year. I am nowhere near perfect and I have made so many mistakes, but I know that God loves and forgives me and I am determined to live my life by His standards. This year has been a flipping struggle, through college exams and stress and complicated home life, but I really feel that tomorrow is going to be a significant marking point.

After tomorrow I finish my AS year at college and have two weeks of rest. Rest is biblical, it’s written about so much, and the Sabbath is especially important and I feel the next two and a half weeks are going to be a real time of rest and recuperation before I start my first four weeks of A2 before the summer. I intend to enjoy them completely and relax and I want to use them to prepare myself for the weeks I go back to college for before my summer. These two weeks will be the time I can fully relax, before I have to work my butt off to get where I want to go. In the next few months I will be making some serious life decisions (university etc.) and I am not going to sit back and expect things to come to me. I need to work hard, and rest plenty and see where God takes me. I intend to spend much more time reading my Bible and focusing on God and really learning what He wants me to do with my life, any guidance at this point is going to be useful for the big decisions I am expected to make!

I am so excited to be a part of a relatively new SHE Core group of women who are fighting for our destiny and a solid unit. There is so much more for us in terms of friendship, fun, growth and challenging each other and I am so grateful that I am in a place where I can talk and learn from these amazing people.

So this is where I’m at right now. Heading into unknown ground, but very expectant and excited and really ready to work for my future and not just attempt to float on by on nothing. This new season is going to be amazing in more ways than I can even comprehend let alone write in a blog. Things are ever changing and a new start is going to be good for me. Having a relationship with God makes my life constantly exciting and worthwhile and I never quite know what is going to happen, which is definitely good for my control freak mentality! Just a quick note, to all the people over the last year who have loved me, encouraged me, supported me, made me laugh, and just blessed me so much - thank you! You have helped me get to where I am and I intend to go further.

The road I walk on is never one that is going to be easy but I can tell you with all my heart it is the path I want to walk on forever and it is a part of me that can never be taken away.

I leave you with this scripture, my aim for this next year: Psalm 119:45 “I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.”

Have a great day.

My brother told me today that he doesn’t really believe in God. It broke my heart. I want the best for both of my brothers and to hear him say that, that he doesn’t believe in the one who can give him the very best? It pains me. But if anything it makes me more determined, I’m not going to sit back and let him go through life without the chances and the questions about God. I know he doesn’t understand, neither of them do, they make fun of me and my church and believing in Jesus all the time, that doesn’t change anything. And it certainly doesn’t change the fact they have incredible destiny. I will fight for them. I will pray for them. And I believe one day they will know Jesus as I know him. They’re not done yet.

Have a great day.